FREEDOM OF CHOICE HAS LONG SINCE DISAPPEARED, and it didn't leave a moment too soon. We'll fight for the right to drink Pepsi over Coke (forgetting that both sides love cola), to wear Nikes over Adidas (forgetting that both sides prefer sneakers), and coffee over beer (forgetting that both sides crave beverages that alter our behavior), but the war has already been won. What we see as our preferences are actually paper-doll versions of freedom that have little in common with the freedoms explained by existentialists and egoists. This is a good thing. Most freedom-loving philosophers are dead, and they never experienced the rate of societal change we face every day. Heck, Nietzsche would be dizzy! With all the possibilities open to us, it is much, much preferable to avoid critical thought entirely. This is easier to do now than it used to be. Long ago people would join monasteries or become hermits just to avoid thought and the pace of society. Now, however, we have television. Our minds can get the break they deserve by opening up to laughs on well-crafted sitcoms and up-to-date information about our favorite celebrities on the tabloid shows. You deserve a break today. Watch television tonight.

People who cannot cope with the stress of today's world probably just don't know how to relax. Their brains overheat, their muscles become tense, and their stomachs become more acidic. Eventually their entire being dissolves into mush. Freedom of choice (and action) will certainly turn us all into mush unless we retreat into our jobs, our toys, and our televisions.

Pine Tree State Mind Control is an organization that will lubricate your mind, reducing the friction between you and society. Using subliminal message techniques as part of an all-encompassing emotional engineering program, we seek to create a population that eschews introspection and self-actualization. Introspection alone has caused more angst and alienation than any racial or social disharmony in the world. Self-actualization won't benefit anyone beyond the individual and therefore is a selfish waste of time and resources. By focusing our efforts toward production and consumption (including consumption of entertainment), we can create an economic powerhouse that will overshadow any advances in Europe or the Pacific Rim.

In the near future we'll be satisfied with "Freedom of Channel", and we'll see our social problems melt away. Support Pine Tree State Mind Control's plan to create this Utopia. Seek out our flyers and post them in well-traveled areas. Watch television. Take frequent naps. Get a job if you don't already have one. Call television and radio stations to express support for our projects. Go shopping with friends. There are a number of ways you can help build a new world. It will arrive even if you do nothing.